A Need for Speed 

These days (late 1996), "speed" means at least 28.8kbps (28,800bps-- see the sidebar note). You can save a few bucks -- not many -- by buying a 14.4kbps modem, but it's not worth it. Sure, if you're only going to spend a few hours per month doing a little email on the local freenet, even an old 2400bps clunker will do the trick but, if you plan on "surfing" the Internet or playing around on one of the commercial online services, a fast modem will pay for itself in time saved, convenience and reduced online fees. "User friendly" means "lots of graphics" and everyone is trying to be user friendly anymore. And, although a picture may be worth a thousand words, it also takes a lot longer to download to your computer. (OK, OK, the guy in the propeller beanie just asked about 33.6kbps modems. Read on.)

Pay for It or Pay for It 

All modems are not created equal. If you live in a country with a solid telephone system, you probably won't see much difference in performance between a cheapo and a more expensive modem but you will very likely encounter a difference in reliability. Cheap modems don't last as long. I've seen some real dogs that died in less than a year. There's a pretty tight relationship between price and quality. And quality doesn't cost that much more -- less than $50 in most cases. I won't cast aspersions on any specific manufacturer but, if you see two 28.8kbps modems on the shelf, one produced by Xyzzy Corp. for $99.95 and the other made by, say, Practical Peripherals (PPI) for $20 or $30 more, buy the PPI unit.

Inside/Outside 

While you are wandering around the store, you'll also notice that modems come in two basic flavors: internal and external. (Sounds vaguely obscene, doesn't it?) As you might expect, an internal modem is installed inside your computer whereas an external modem is cabled to an extra serial port and sits next to the machine in some convenient spot.
     Most folks buy internal modems. Physical installation is a mild hassle, but they typically cost $20 to $50 less than external modems, you don't have to worry about serial port performance issues and you don't have an extra piece of gear cluttering up your desk top.
     On the other hand, external modems have two big advantages over internal devices: The display panel lets you see what's going on and, if a dial-up session gets really snarled up, you can turn off the modem instead of rebooting the whole computer. However, you must have a spare high-performance serial port (see sidebar on UARTs). If your serial port is not up to snuff, you can't run an external modem reliably at speeds much above 9600bps. If you don't know what type of serial port your computer has, find out. A lot of people have gotten burned by this one. MS-DOS and Windows users can boot to MS-DOS (do not use a DOS prompt from within Windows) and run a program called MSD. If MSD says you have "16550A" serial ports, you're OK. If not, either buy a high-performance serial card (another $30) or get an internal modem. And you need to buy a shielded serial cable, too, by the way -- a $5 to $10 investment.
     All that being said, I like external modems. I spend a lot of time online and like being able to see what's happening on the phone line. Internal modems give me a pain in the nether regions but, then, I'm not exactly a "normal" user, either. It's your call (pun intended).

A Movable Beast 

What about modems for portable computers? Well, PCMCIA card modems are subject to the same speed and quality issues as conventional modems. There are only two significant differences: They cost more and they are all, in effect, "internal."

A Word or Two About "Extras"... 

Fax modems - These days, saying "fax modem" is like saying "new car with air bags." It would be most unusual to find a decent high-speed modem without fax capability.

Software - Just about every modem is sold with a generous handful of software of problematic utility. If you can't decide between two different brands and one includes a software package you like, buy that one. The only important question here is whether or not the modem is already supported by your operating system. If not, then make sure the manufacturer supplies the necessary drivers and utilities.

Modem Mantra 

So, here's the basic modem mantra: "speed, quality, inside or outside." Chant this under your breath as you browse the latest catalog or wander through Fast Freddy's Computer Barn and you won't go too far wrong. I wish I had something like that for used cars.